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Since we’re at the peak of the rose ordering season, I thought this might be a good time to review the rules of rose
counting…
1. Mini roses don’t count.
2. Floribundas—because they are not full-fledged hybrid teas, count as half.
3. Shrubs, climbers, ramblers, old garden roses, etc., don’t count because they can be considered “landscaping.”
4. Roses not planted—or in pots—don’t count. (See the “Territory” clause.)
5. Roses that were discounted count as half.
6. Roses received as gifts don’t count.
7. Odd numbers must always be rounded off…if you’re out of room, count the number down. For every hundred, divide
by two. This is known as a “Stock Split.”
8. Roses whose names you don’t know or can’t remember obviously don’t count.
9. Roses that are on Shovel Prune Watch don’t count; the roses that replace them also don’t count, as they cancel
each other out.
10. Duplicates and multiples count as one, as they are considered a set.
11. Roses that are not planted in a bed don’t count. (See the “Landscaping” Addendum.)
12. Bare roots don’t count because they are dormant when they arrive; once you plant them and they start to bud out…well,
you’ve already done your count, so you will just have to wait until next season—by which time you’ll be
sure you already counted them.
13. Mislabeled roses don’t count because you probably already have one of them somewhere, which has already been counted
once…probably.
14. Anything less than grade 1 counts only a fraction, and since fractions are not whole numbers, they can be rounded off
(remember the rounding off rule).
15. Roses that you think you might give away can be excluded from the count…makes it easier to part with them. If by
some chance you wind up keeping them…oh, well.
16. HTs that get huge and wind up taking more than one space should be counted twice, but remember the Duplicate rule (#10).
17. Now, if after counting you have under a hundred roses, you must immediately place some orders—and they don’t
count because they’re in transit and therefore not in the ground.
18. Roses ordered on a whim really don’t count because they were never on a list. (This is the list rule; if it’s
not on a list, it doesn’t exist…most likely.)
19. If you cut many roses and give them away, this is considered Charity, and everyone knows that you get special allowances
for Charity—which brings us to…
20. Tax Deductions…(See Claiming Roses as Dependents.)
See, you really didn’t have as many as you thought you did….time to go order some more!
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